i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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