I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
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I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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