textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Randomize
