my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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