Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize