Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
