It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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