i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
