chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
