also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
