Little spoons don't ask big questions
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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