The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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