remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I cockslap morals
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
