dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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