it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
