I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize