Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
