Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
