halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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