Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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