What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
