You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
