it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Randomize
