is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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