she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
