I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
