we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
