oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
