she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
