I'm sorry my penis didn't work
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Randomize
