I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
