He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
