a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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