I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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