sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
