when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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