oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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