I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
