he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
