Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
He told me they were just razor bumps!
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
