You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
