I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
