We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
