Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
