There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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