3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
