Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
