I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize
