Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Found the puke drawer
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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