She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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