Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Randomize
