You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
