I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize