see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
