okay pat passed out under dana's car
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
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