The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
