My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.