I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
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my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
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Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
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