yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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