im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.