piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs