Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
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