She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
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i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
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I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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