Old men and throwing up are my life now.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Operation Purity has been aborted
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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