My hair reeks of homosexuality.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
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