why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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