At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
